13 April 2007

Courtesy and decency

Here is a question for you:

If a group or individual expects me to be somewhere at an event about which I know nothing more than the time and place of said event, is it unfair of me to want an invitation to said event?

The answer I keep receiving around here is, "Yes. It is unfair for you to expect an invitation when you know you're expected to be there."

The problem is this: I don't know I'm expected to be there unless somebody tells me! Otherwise all I'm doing is assuming.

Perhaps I'm simply being too polite, too respectful, too courteous.

It's very simple. If you want me to be somewhere all you have to do is ask me. Don't assume that somebody you tell will tell me that you want me there (or that somebody is in the hosptial or that some is doing better or that somebody is coming to town or that somebody somewhere has died) because said person will not and does not tell me these things, even if someone indeed is supposed to tell me.

I'm going to go insane soon over this issue. All is ask for is a little repsect and common courtesy and nobody else seems to care one bit!

Thank you for listening to my rant. Have a good day.


  1. Back up, you're confusing me.
    First, if you call this a rant, you probably are too polite.
    Second, if you're talking an engraved invitation on vellum, you're asking too much.
    However, if you're expected to be somewhere and no one bother's to tell you, that's their own fault and they have nothing to complain about.
    Perhaps you need to be a bit more forceful in pointing out the main issue in the whole mess, the fact that you were not told to be there.

  2. Sometimes it's good to blow off some steam. And there are no judgements on this end.

    I completely understand your point and don't feel like it is just because of your vocation. It happens to all of us!

    Glad your vestments are getting closer.

  3. Anonymous12:24 PM

    Ok, I used to be a Protocol Officer for the military (the "Emily Post's" if you will) so I can say with absolute confidence that you are well within your bounds to expect some sort of "official notification," whether it be by phone, fax, email or snail mail, for an appearance at a function. Just because you are aware of an "event" at a certain place and time does not mean you know you're on the guest list. The person coordinating the event should have the forethought (and courtesy) to notify you if they "expect" you there. This is a pet peeve of mine, too, so I'm right there wit'cha.

  4. Clarification: When I said "if you call this a rant, you probably are too polite", I meant that it's not really a rant. Just look at what I'm capable of and you'll know what a real rant is. You're just too polite to produce a real rant.

  5. Jeffrey: If not a rant, what should I call it?

    I'm not asking for much, really; just a phone call, letter, card, e-mail, face to face conversation, or even a little post-it note telling me you want me to be somewhere. The reality of, as you say, "if you're expected to be somehwere and no one bother's to tell you, that's their own fault and they have nothing to complain about" only seems to sink in to a few people.

    Quite the contrary. Most around here seem to tell me that I now right to complain about it (even a little) but should apparently show up at anything I know about. The fact that somebody might actually have put enough into table arrangements and place settings seems completely out of the question.

    I did, in fact, attend said event and did enjoy myself. I planned to attend the event when first I learned of it. I simply mentioned that - after speaking with a couple of other people were expected to be there who also knew nothing about the details but also came - that an invitation might be a nice thought.

    This isn't a one time deal here, either. This sort of thing happens around here a lot. A few things I have not attended and apparently I've made some people mad about it but nobody directly involved has come forward to tell me. What am I to do?

    Ellen: Right you are. Thank you! This sort of thing has been happening to me all of my life. Perhaps Jeffrey is right: I'm just too polite, but that just sounds wrong.

    Jeron: Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one, though I fear we may be a dying minority.

  6. Don't worry. Dying minorities have a way of being reborn.
    Call it a complaint and put the whole thing behind you.

  7. Done. At least until it happens again :)

  8. A quiet complain will do it more justice. Otherwise, rants will get a bad name and be picked on by their fouler mouthed friends. =)