19 June 2007

A new version of the Creed

In the comments on Amy's post about Bishop Trautman's article, Mark Jacobson propses a new translation of the Creed. This follows nicely on my post about The Message. Jacobson's Creed is as follows:

God is our strong Dad, and he made everything.He has a Son, Jesus, who tells us what to do. He's a lot like his Dad and has been around forever. He made everything, too. Mary was His Mom because God made it happen and because Jesus wanted to help us.

Jesus had a hard life, died on a piece of wood shaped like an X, and was put in the hole in the ground. After 3 days he was alive and went to a happy place next to his Dad. He's coming back someday to tell us how we're doing.

The good part of God who has no body tells us what to do, too, and keeps us living and he gave some people some good things to write about a long time ago. We clap and sing and thank all of God.

There's one good church that's everywhere and that's been around a long time. There's one washing away of the bad stuff we have. We are happy that we will live after we die. We are happy that we will be happy someday in a happy place for a long, long happy time.

Also in the comments, Patrick A gives a new translation of the Hail Mary:

Greetings Mary, jam-packed with grace.The big Guy is with you.You are really a stand-out compared to other women.And awesome is the product of your uterus. Jesus.Really good person, Mary, God's mommy, Ask God to look the other way at our goof-ups.Now, and when a doctor decides my quality of life is not worth living. Okay.


  1. I laughed out loud- very loud- here at the library.

  2. Oh, Thom; you must be more careful what blogs you read in the library.

  3. It that the from the "Apostles Creed for Idiots?"

  4. I worked in a library once. You need a good laugh, once in a while, to keep from climbing the walls.

  5. I found something else from The Message that disrupted the silence of the library:

    I, Paul, am under God’s plan as an apostle, a special agent of Christ Jesus....

    Special agent??!!


  6. Good one, Ellen!

    Now, Thom, just be sure these little amusements don't earn you a reprimand.

    Oh, by the way, its Tarsus, Paul of Tarsus. Not everybody gets to be an ambassador.

  7. Oh, reprimand.

    You wouldn't believe some of the goings-on at the library.

    Besides, I'm senior staff tonight.


  8. LOL! This post made me burst out laughing!

  9. Its things like this that make me wish that the Office of the Inquisition would be resurrected.

  10. Thom - Is that like "Bond, Apostle Bond."

    Could you just imagine Sean Connery as an Apostle? What gadgets would he have? A jug that turns water into martinis (shaken, not stirred of course!). A cart that floats!

    Would that make Mary Magdelene a Bond girl?

  11. I'm curious to see where this one's going now...

  12. I don't think I'm going to touch that one.

    Bull in a china shop....

  13. Curiosity killed the cat. Let us hope it does not move further up the food chain!