Hard to get

I am reminded today of two songs of Rich Mullins which both express well my thoughts and emotions on this unhappy day. They are "Hard to Get":

[Do] You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

[Do]You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
[But] Still we do love now and then
Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow
All I really need to know is if

You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we cannot get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can't see how You're leading me
Unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

…and "Hold Me, Jesus":

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me, Jesus,
‘cause I’m shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won’t You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need

And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

So hold me, Jesus,
‘cause I’m shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won’t you be my Prince of Peace

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this tune
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

This morning I went to the church to continue taking pictures of the magnificent edifice. I will return to continue the project in a few minutes, spending, I expect, the rest of the day in my home that will soon be no more.