Careful what you read

I should know by now to be careful with what I read.

At the end of class yesterday one of the boys asked if I wanted to go frolfing (Frisbee golfing) with his group after school. I hadn't been in years, though I do like the game. I told him I'd think about it. His group must have left the school quickly because I didn't see them leave the building.
Not quite knowing where they would be on the frolf course I decided to return to the rectory and lie down for a bit before the soccer game. As I did so, part of me said that I should just to go to the course and find them. How hard could it have been?

This evening I was reading one of the letters of Saint John Bosco. It was a letter written to educators in which Don Bosco relates a conversation he had in a dream with two of his former boys.

Don Bosco is shown two groups of his boys, first the former group and second the current group. The first group of boys he sees playing and laughing, both with each other and with priests and clergy. The second group of boys he sees bored and lifeless. The difference, he is told, is "a lack of interest in the recreation," not on the part of the boys, but of the priests.

Saint John is told that this lack of recreation is the reason why the boys

approach the sacraments so coldly, why they neglect their practices of piety in
the church and elsewhere, why they stay so unwillingly in a place where Divine
Providence endues them with every blessing for body, soul and mind; this is why
many do not correspond with their vocation, why superiors meet with ingratitude,
why you get secret groups forming, with grumbling and all the other deplorable
consequences.

The patron saint of boys then asks his former pupils with whom he speaks how he might remedy the dismal situation. With charity, he is told. What is needed is that the boys know that they are loved and this is conveyed through recreation, that the boys

be loved in the things which they themselves like by a sharing in their youthful
interests; in this way they will learn to see your love in matters which naturally speaking are not very pleasing to them, as is the case with study, discipline, and self-denial: in this way they will learn to do these things also with love.

Still not quite understanding, Don Bosco asks for greater clarification. One of the two boys answers, "Just look at your boys in recreation." Looking around Bosco asks, "Well, what's special about it?" The answer came: "Don’t you understand after all these years in the education of the young? Have a better look. Where are the Salesians?”

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ouch. Where was I yesterday afternoon?

Bosco continues the letter, saying,

As I looked I saw that there were very few priests and clerics mixing with the
boys and fewer still taking part in their games: the superiors were no longer
the heart and soul of the recreation; most of them were walking up and down by
themselves conversing together and paying little attention to what the boys were
doing; others were looking on at the recreation but with no real concern for the
boys; others watched from a distance with never a word to those at fault; some
did warn the boys but rarely and when they did so it was in a threatening
manner.

Again, ouch. Clearly, I failed yesterday and missed a tremendous opportunity.

The rest of the letter, which continues relating the dream, is truly powerful. One of his former boys continues:

"Let them like what the boys like, and the boys will come to like what the superiors like. This will make the work easy. The reason for the present change in the Oratory is the lack of confidence in their superiors on the part of many boys. In the past hearts were wide open to the superiors, for the boys loved them and obeyed them promptly. Today however, the superiors are seen precisely as superiors and not at all as fathers, brothers and friends. That’s why the boys are afraid of them and don’t love them. If you want to see everyone of one heart and one mind again, then, for the love of God, you must break down the fatal barrier of distrust and put a happy spirit of confidence in its place. Then, just as a mother guides her child, so obedience will guide the boys, and there will be peace and joy at the Oratory once again, as in the days gone by.”

“How are we to go about breaking down this barrier?”

“By a friendly relationship with the boys, especially in recreation. Affection can’t be shown without this friendly relationship, and unless affection is seen there can be no confidence. He who wants to be loved must first show his own love. Our Lord made himself little with the little ones and bore our infirmities. He is our Master in this matter of the friendly approach. A master who is only seen in the master’s chair is just a master and nothing more, but if he goes into recreation with the boys he becomes their brother.

If someone is only seen preaching from the pulpit, it will be said that he does his duty, neither more nor less, whereas if he whispers a little word in recreation, this is seen as the word of a friend. How many conversions were brought about by those few words which you whispered suddenly in a boy’s ear, in the thick of the game!
When a person knows he is loved, he will love in return, and when a person is loved he can get anything, especially from boys. This confidence sets up an electric current between boys and superiors. Hearts are opened, needs and weaknesses made known. This love enables superiors to bear with weariness, annoyance, ingratitude, or the troubles, failings and neglect of the boys. Our Lord did not break the bruised reed nor quench the smoking flax. He is your model. In this way, no one will be seen working out of vainglory or dealing out punishment out of wounded self-love, no one will be seen withdrawing from the work of assisting through jealous fear of another’s popularity, nor criticising the others in the hope of winning the boys love and esteem for himself to the exclusion of the others, gaining nothing in fact but contempt and hypocritical flattery. No one will lose his heart to some creature and, through paying court to him, forget about the rest of the boys. No one will neglect his bounden duty
of assisting through a love of ease and comfort; no one will ever be seen refraining from correction, where correction is due, through human respect. With this true love only the glory of God and the good of souls will be sought. It is when there is a cooling off in such love that things go badly. Why let charity yield to cold legislation? Why are superiors moving away from the educational directives given them by Don Bosco? Why the steady replacement of loving and watchful prevention by a system which consists in framing laws? This is certainly less trying and a lot more convenient for the superior, but laws which are enforced by punishments stir up hatred and give rise to bitterness, whilst laws which are not enforced at all arouse only contempt for the superiors and cause serious disorders.

This is sure to happen where there is no friendly relationship. If then you want the Oratory to return to the happiness of former days, then let the system of those days flourish again. Let the superior be all things to everyone, ready to listen to the troubles or complaints of the boys, watching over their conduct with a father’s care,
whole-hearted in his efforts for the spiritual and temporal welfare of those whom Providence has entrusted to him.

I pray I not fail the Lord again in this way. May Saint John Bosco show me how to follow in his ways.