What's in a name?

William Shakespeare put a famous question upon the lips of Juliet: "What's in a name" (Romeo and Juliet, Act. II, Scene II, line 47). The importance of names these days receives little attention and prompts preciously little thought, which is why - apparently - naming children after Pokemon characters has become something of a trend:

BabyCenter reports names like Roselia, Eevee, and Onxy are on the rise for girls. For boys, the name of eager Pokemon trainer Ash is rising in popularity, along with Ivy and Shay [more].

I've enjoyed playing Pokemon Go because it is something like a treasure hunt, a way to make going for a daily walk a bit more intriguing and enjoyable. Still, were I married, I would not consider naming my child after a Pokemon character, nor would I consider naming my child after a character in the Lord of the Rings. Like all fads, it will fade and the child will be left with an odd name and lifetime or either having to explain it or feign ignorance.

The ancients and the medievals understood that names have meanings and can even play a role in a person's life, which is why they would sometimes wait a few weeks before naming a child; they wanted to see something of the child's personality before assigning a name to him or her. Have you ever met someone named Jim and thought to yourself, "He doesn't look like a Jim"?

There was once a time that we named our children after the saints, after the men and women who lived lives of proven holiness. We wanted the particular saint who shared a name with our child to watch over him or her and to lead the child in the ways of holiness. We wanted the child to look to the saint and to imitate the saint's life and grow to become like the saint.

I hope we return to this practice one day soon.

Bishop Paprocki: Parents must not only take their children to Church, but also talk with them about the Church

Writing in is column in the Catholic Times, the Most Reverend Thomas John Paprocki, Bishop of Springfield in Illinois, recently reminded parents of the necessity for parents to talk about their Catholic faith with their children:

For parents, their primary missionary work is with their own children. This is an area of responsibility where words must be used to explain the faith that underlies our actions if the implantation of the church is to take root in their lives. There was a time when our culture would carry our faith, so to speak, by virtue of the fact that everyone else in a particular ethnic group was Catholic, so people would often become Catholic and go to church because that was a cultural expectation. That is no longer the case in a culture that is becoming increasingly secular. Being a disciple of Jesus requires an intentional decision and commitment to follow him.

St. Gregory the Great, who was pope from 590 until he died in 604, wrote that a "spiritual guide should be silent when discretion requires and speak when words are of service. Otherwise he may say what he should not or be silent when he should speak. Indiscreet speech may lead men into error and an imprudent silence may leave in error those who could have been taught."

What this means for families is that if parents take their children to church, but never talk to them about why they go to church and never say why Jesus Christ is so important in their lives, their children will not get the message of the meaning of the Gospel and will stop going to church once they are old enough or independent enough to do so. If they do understand that Jesus established the Catholic Church as the means of their salvation and recognize that participation in the Mass and the sacraments is the way to cultivate a deep personal relationship with Jesus, their Lord and Savior, they will remain faithful throughout their lives [more].

This seems a rather obvious observation, but sometimes we need to be reminded of the obvious. This, of course, presumes that parents are always "ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you a reason for your hope" (I Peter 3:15). Such resources are readily available.

Some news you may have missed

Here are a few news items you may have missed that I collected some weeks ago:

• The birth fertility rate in 2014 in the United States of America rose slightly from 1.87 (in 2013) to 1.9, with fewer than 4,000,000,000 babies born in the USA last year. The increase gives some hope for the future, but a birth fertility rate of at least 2.1 is necessary to keep a population stable.

• New research suggests that women who have undergone certain abortion procedures are as much as 30% more likely - during a successive pregnancy - to give birth prematurely.

• I spent about a third of my childhood playing in the fields surrounding the house in which I grew up with my cousins and neighbors as we pretended to be kings and knights, practiced our swordplay, and built forts. These days, though, allowing your children to play outside without supervision might lead to your arrest, as recently happened to parents in Florida.

Most likely I saved this post as a draft with the intention to add more items to it, forgot about it, and noticed it today.

The news you may have missed - 30 January 2015

• Parents of a girl in a France named her Nutella, after the delicious chocolate-hazelnut spread, but a court has ordered her to named Ella instead because "it is contrary to the child's interest to have a name that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts." While I don't support named children after Nutella, I do wonder how such a case ever found its way before a judge.

• Another piece of evidence has surfaced to demonstrate how far American society has fallen from decency and consideration. Staff at the City University of New York's Graduate Center have been cautioned against referred to students as "Mr.," Mrs.," or "Miss" So-And-So because using such titles once thought appropriate in civil society may now be interpreted as disrespect. If that's the case, I suggest we all stay home and never think of going outside again.

• Catholics in Boston are being purposely excluding from serving on the jury in the trial of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev - the "Boston Bomber" - because of the Church's teaching regarding the application of the death penalty.

• A survey from the Pew Research Center indicates the majority of Italians believe most Europeans would call Italy the mostly like nation of the European Union to be named the least trustworthy. Greeks, curiously, see themselves as the most hardworking of the European peoples.

Parents ruin simple Easter fun

Because I've been in youth ministry for a number of years now, I'm often asked a question something along these lines: "What's wrong with kids today?"

It's a loaded question, of course, and carries with it all sorts of presumptions, which - in my experience - are not generally true.  Even so, when asked this question I usually answer, "Their parents."

As one piece of evidence for my answer, consider this story (it's a bit old, I know, but I've been otherwise occupied) about the cancellation of an Easter Egg Hunt in Colorado Springs because of the behavior of the parents:

Parenting observers cite the cancellation as a prime example of so-called "helicopter parents" — those who hover over their children and are involved in every aspect of their children's lives — to ensure that they don't fail, even at an Easter egg hunt. 

"They couldn't resist getting over the rope to help their kids," said Ron Alsop, a former Wall Street Journal reporter and author of "The Trophy Kids Grow Up," which examines the "millennial children" generation. 

"That's the perfect metaphor for millennial children. They (parents) can't stay out of their children's lives. They don't give their children enough chances to learn from hard knocks, mistakes" [more].

Parents, please don't ruin your children's fun by being obnoxious.

Capello tip to Deacon Kandra.

Parents in denial, children dressed like prostitutes?

In a recent editorial for The Wall Street Journal, Jennifer Moses asks this question:

Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?

Though I do not have a teenage daughter, I've often asked that same question.  In the same words.

One of her friends suggested it was "a bonding thing," but she does not think that answer to be correct.  Instead, she suggests the following answer, with my emphases:

So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn't), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.

Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don't know one of them who doesn't have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd "experimented" more.

As for the girls themselves, if you ask them why they dress the way they do, they'll say (roughly) the same things I said to my mother: "What's the big deal?" "But it's the style." "Could you be any more out of it?" What teenage girl doesn't want to be attractive, sought-after and popular?

And what mom doesn't want to help that cause? In my own case, when I see my daughter in drop-dead gorgeous mode, I experience something akin to a thrill—especially since I myself am somewhat past the age to turn heads.

In recent years, of course, promiscuity has hit new heights (it always does!), with "sexting" among preteens, "hooking up" among teens and college students, and a constant stream of semi-pornography from just about every media outlet. Varied sexual experiences—the more the better—are the current social norm.

I wouldn't want us to return to the age of the corset or even of the double standard, because a double standard that lets the promiscuous male off the hook while condemning his female counterpart is both stupid and destructive. If you're the campus mattress, chances are that you need therapy more than you need condemnation.

But it's easy for parents to slip into denial. We wouldn't dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: "Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven's sake, get laid!" But that's essentially what we're saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they're still living under our own roofs.

She's right.  I wonder if anyone will take real notice of her words.
Capello tip to Joe Carter at First Thoughts.

Wha'ts a Catholic parent to do?

A Catholic Mom in Hawaii provides several excellent answers to this important question.

Oh, what would John Bosco do?

I don't like conflict and confrontation, but I'm also not one to shy away from it when the circumstances necessitate it.

This afternoon an incident occurred involving me and one of our students, the details of which need not be entered into here. Suffice it to say that the circumstances are such that disciplinary action must be imposed.

The difficulty here is finding the proper balance between justice and mercy, punishment and forgiveness, a lesson learned and a lesson lost. I hate being in this situation.

Fortunately, such circumstances are rare. Whenever I find myself in one, I always turn to the words of Saint John Bosco, words which were of great help in Australia:

First of all, if we wish to appear concerned about the true happiness of our foster children and if we would move them to fulfill their duties, you must never forget that you are taking the place of the parents of these beloved young people. I have always labored lovingly for them, and carried out my priestly duties with zeal...

My sons, in my long experience very often I had to be convinced of this great truth. It is easier to become angry than to restrain oneself, and to threaten a boy than to persuade him. Yes, indeed, it is more fitting to be persistent in punishing our own impatience and pride than to correct the boys. We must be firm but kind, and be patient with them...

See that no one finds you motivated by impetuosity or willfulness. It is difficult to keep calm when administering punishment, but this must be done if we are to keep ourselves from showing off our authority or spilling out anger.

Let us regard those boys over whom we have some authority as our own sons. Let us place ourselves in their service. Let us be ashamed to assume an attitude of superiority. Let us not rule over them except for the purpose of serving them better.

This was the method that Jesus used with the apostles. He put up with their ignorance and roughness and even their infidelity. He treated sinners with a kindness and affection that caused some to be shocked, others to be scandalized, and still others to hope for God's mercy. And so he bade them to be humble of heart.

They are our sons, and so in correcting their mistakes we must lay aside all anger and restrain it so firmly that it is extinguished entirely.

There must be no hostility in our minds, no contempt in our eyes, no insult on our lips. We must use mercy for the present and have hope for the future, as is fitting for true fathers who are eager for real correction and improvement.

In serious matters it is better to beg God humbly than to send forth a flood of words that will only offend the listeners and have no effect on those who are guilty.

With these words, Don Bosco highlights the difference between a punishment and a discipline. A punishment is given simply out of anger, whereas a discipline is given with the aim of teaching.

Both discipline and disciple come from the same root, meaning to learn. A discipline is, it is true, a form of a punishment, but it's ultimate and primary aim is to teach and correct, to change a certain behavior.

By the grace of God I can honestly say that I bear no anger toward this student and that after having met with him and his mother his remorse is genuine and, I believe, a lesson has already been learned well. And no discipline has officially yet been given.

Just after the incident I told him already what the discipline would be, but now after seeing his sorrow my heart tells me to lessen the discipline because the lesson has been shown. What is needed now is mercy, mercy that highlights the Lord's own mercy toward each of us.

At the same time, my head tells me not to lesson the discipline, lest I appear weak to others, because the incident occured in public; but I must alter the discipline. In this case, my heart will win. After all, in the words of Saint James, "mercy triumphs over justice" (James 2:13).

My heart breaks for the boy and for his mother. He meant no offense - of this I am sure - but his action must be corrected. Both know this. At the same time, knowing the speed with which gossip travels here in Effingham, the entire school will likely know of the incident by morning and classes resume in the morning. This will not help the boy feel better; I pray the students will be respectful.

I have told him that I will hold nothing against him nor think any less of him in the days to come. I hope he believes me and knows it to be true. In fact, I think more of him for actually coming in to see me; not many would have done so.

Please, keep this situation in your prayers.

Let us pray:

Lord,
you called John Bosco
to be a teacher and father to the young.
Fill us with love like his:
may we give ourselves completely to your service
and to the salvation of mankind.
We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Saint John Bosco, pray for us!

Blessed Damien cautions parents

Thanks to the wonders of inter-library loan, I am currently reading Charles Warren Stoddard's Father Damien: The Martyr of Molokai (San Francisco, California: Catholic Truth Society, 1901).

It is a short little book (only 30 pages), but it includes several of Father Damien's letters, which are a great pleasure to read.

On Christmas Day 1858, then Joseph De Vuester wrote to his parents, asking their permission and blessing for him to pursue his vocation. His words may seem harsh:

My dear parents: I cannot hesitate to write to you on this grand Christmas Day, for the great feast has brought me to the certainty that God has called me to quit the world and embrace the religious state. Therefore, my dear parents, I ask you again for your consent; for without it I cannot venture to enter on this career. God's command to obey our parents does not apply only to childhood.

Do not think that in choosing the religious state I am guided by own will; I assure you that I do but follow the will of Divine Providence. I am not afraid that you will refuse me, since it is God who calls, and I am obliged to obey his call. For you to hinder your child from following God's will, would expose yourselves to terrible consequences from His anger, and would expose me to the irreparable misfortune of losing the vocation for which God has destined me from infancy, and would put in jeopardy your eternal salvation.

You know, my dear parents, that each individual is bound to conform himself to the designs of God in choosing a state of life, if he wishes to make his future happiness secure; do not, therefore, distress yourselves at God's designs for me. Augustus [his older brother] writes me that I should certainly be admitted in his Congregation as "Frere de Choeur," that I should not fail to speak to the Superior at the New Year, and should begin my novitiate a little later.

Hoping for this great happiness, I sign myself, your obedient son.

Joseph at the time was eighteen years of age.

His words may be a bit harsh, but they are also true. Parents must not only help their children to discern God's will for their lives; they must also help and enable their children - to whatever extent possible - to respond generously to God's design for their lives.

On the duties of parents

Not every day do you find a good king, good not in terms of ability to fulfill his duties but good in the moral sense. It is even rarer that you find a saintly king, but in King Louis IX of France we find both.

Born in 1214, Louis was crowned King in 1226 at the tender age of twelve. His mother governed as Regent until Louis attained the age of twenty-two. He and his wife, Queen Margaret, had eleven children (five boys and two girls). Saint Louis died while on Crusade near Carthage in northern Africa in 1270.

Much could be said of King Louis' life, but I want to focus only on a few lines the saintly king left for his son. He wrote,

My dearest son, my first instruction is that you should love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your strength. Without this there is no salvation. Keep yourself, my son, from everything that you know displeases God, that is to say, from every mortal sin.

One might well expect a reigning monarch's first advice to his son to be something concerning the governance of the realm. One might even expect it to concern ruling beside other kingdoms or even living alongside and with a queen.

None of these valid and worthy - even necessary - concerns are Louis' first concern for his son. His first concern, his first instruction, is that his son live the faith of Jesus Christ. Would that every parent felt this way!

Too often parents are concerned first with worldly affairs, be they sports, academics, work, etc. All of these concerns are good in and of themselves, but they should never receive priority among what we hand on to children.

The Rite of Baptism reminds us that parents are "the first teachers of their child in the ways of faith" (105). Too many have forgotten this and have neglected this sacred duty.

Let us implore the prayers of King Saint Louis IX, that he might show parents how to have as their first instruction, their first concern, for their children the ways of faith.

A caution for parents

Yesterday afternoon, before departing for the See City for the Chrism Mass, I visited with our second grade students and read a book to them, with necessary editing.

One of their teachers asked me to read Benjamin's Box: A Resurrection Story. In the story, Benjamin is given a wooden box, his "treasure box," that has only a few pieces of straw in it. His grandfather, a shepherd, took the straw from the stable in Bethlehem. Benjamin and his friend Eli are present in Jerusalem when Jesus makes his triumphant entry into the city and follow Jesus and the disciples, collecting various items which Benjamin places in his treasure box.

For the most part the story is fine, but there was a particular section where my attention was peaked; it concerned the Last Supper. The narrator tells us:

Soon Jesus arrived, and the supper began. If Benjamin listened carefully he could hear some of their words. But what did Jesus mean when he said the wine was like his blood and would be spilled, and the bread was to be broken like his body. It made no sense (11).

I'm not concerned because young Benjamin didn't understand what Jesus meant. I'm concerned because the narrator is lying to young children.

Jesus did not say the bread and wine were "like" his Body and Blood; he said the bread "is" his Body and the wine "is" his Blood.

The danger of stories such as these which employ the same or similar language is that they implant false teachings and ideas into the minds of young children. These ideas slowly take hold over time and then when someone tries to teach the truth to them some years later they will not believe it becuase, "that's not what they told me when I was a kid." How many times have I heard that phrase over the last three years?

Parents, beware of the wording of the stories that your children read.