Clever

We all get them: catalogues we didn't request but often have things in them we wouldn't mind having but are too cheap to buy. I frequently get one catalogue in particular that has a few brilliant t-shirts with captions such as the following:

• Forget World Peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
• If idiots grew on trees this place would be an orchard.
• HERE I AM. Now what are your other two wishes?
• I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.
• Sorry about global warming. It's all my fault - I'll take care of it.
• I took the Road Less Travelled and got to work on time.
• Sometimes I wonder...why is that frisbee getting bigger - and then it hits me.
• Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
• Jesus loves you but I'm his favorite.
• Life is a circus, and I'm stuck in the freak tent.
• Can we declare a snow day?
• I may not be right but I can sure sound like it.
• National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.
• The villagers are coming with torches and pitchforks. Please hide me.