Homily for the Wedding of Matthew Deters and Magdalen Hun

The Wedding of Matthew Deters and Magdalen Hun

Dear brothers and sisters,

Permit me, if you will, to pose to you a most important question in a couple of different ways. Why do you follow the Lord Jesus Christ? Why do we dare to call ourselves Christians? I ask these questions because we have just heard how “a large crowd followed him, because they saw the signs he was performing on the sick” (John 6:1).

Within this great crowd of followers and hangers on existed a great variety of purposes and reasons for following this rabbi from Nazareth. Some followed him, we can be sure, out of a sincere and deep faith in their recognition of Jesus as “the Messiah, the Son of the living God,” as Saint Peter would come to know (Matthew 16:16). Others surely followed him because they were curious and wondering, joining the crowd simply to see what might happen next, like the tax collector Zacchaeus who “was seeking to know who Jesus was” (Luke 19:3). Still others were certainly skeptical about this “carpenter’s son” and followed him so they might learn where he found such “wisdom and mighty deeds” (Matthew 13:55, 54). Others yet followed because they saw within the miracles he worked the telltale sign of the coming of the long-awaited king would restore the kingdom of David (cf. John 6:15).

Each of these more than five thousand individuals followed Jesus for a specific reason, whether it be praiseworthy or not. None followed Jesus for no reason at all; each had their own motive. None followed the crowd simply to keep the status quo; none remained apathetic. Can the same be said of us? What have you seen in the person of Jesus Christ that leads you to follow him? Have you heard him say to you, “Follow me” (John 1:43)? What led you to follow the one who is “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6)?

Some see in Jesus an abundance of food, and rightly so; he is “the living bread come down from heaven” (John 6:51). Others see in him an abundance of health, and rightly so; “he cured many who were sick with various diseases, and he drove out many demons” (Mark 1:32, 34). Others yet see in him an abundance of justice, and rightly so; he “is just in all his ways and holy in all his works” (Psalm 145:17). Others see in him understanding, and rightly so; he is wisdom itself. Others seek riches in him, and rightly so; he is the “treasure buried in the field” and the “pearl of great price” (Matthew 13:44, 46). Some see in him unending life, and rightly so; he alone has “the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

Just as Jesus asked Saint Andrew, so he asks you and me: “What are you looking for” (John 1:38)? What it is you seek, you will find it in Christ Jesus. “Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). He will satisfy your every need and for this reason Our Lady says to us, “Do whatever he tells you” (John 2:5).

Jesus had Andrew give him the five barely loaves and the two fish; in short, he had Andrew give him all he had. Nothing was to be held back, and so it is with us. Everything we have and are must be handed over to Jesus: our strengths and our weaknesses; our joys and our sorrows; our fidelity and our sin; nothing can be held back.

It is true that when we come before Jesus, we, like Andrew, recognize how small and insignificant we are. As we offer ourselves to Jesus with all that we have, we are tempted to ask, “but what good are these for so many” (John 6:9)? Pope Benedict XVI once said, “Many times we feel like useless servants, and it is true. And, despite this, the Lord calls us friends; he makes us his friends; he gives us his friendship.”[1]

Matthew and Magdalen, in looking to Jesus for the satisfaction of your hearts’ desire, he has led you to each other. Today, even as you offer yourselves to Jesus, you offer yourselves to each other. Just as we cannot hold back anything of ourselves from Jesus, so you must not hold back anything of yourselves from each other.

You may be tempted to think the gift of yourself is a meagre offering, too little to be of much good. Do not give in to such self-doubt. Through the Sacrament of Marriage, the Lord Jesus wishes to use you as an instrument of his love. As individuals, he wishes you to be an example of his love to each other; as a couple, he wishes you to be an example of his love before the world. When placed in the service of God, no gift is too humble.

In offering yourselves to each other, you make something of a sacrifice; you say “no” to a romantic relationship with everyone else, but you also make a loving “yes” to each other. It is a most beautiful gift you are about to make, but one that brings with it the Cross, for in the bonds of marriage, a husband is bound to care more about his wife than he cares about himself. Likewise, in the bonds of marriage, a wife is bound to care more about her husband than she cares about herself.

Because a sacred bond joins those united in holy matrimony, a bond which the Apostle Saint Paul calls “a great mystery,” marriage brings the considerable danger of more opportunities to sin by not living up to the promises made between husband and wife before God and his Church; marriage provides more opportunities for a man and woman to fail to be suitable partners for each other (Ephesians 5:32; cf. Genesis 2:18). This considerable danger is the very reason why Jesus raised the natural state of marriage to a sacrament, to infuse it with his grace and provide a supernatural aid to those called to live the still more excellent way of love in marriage so their love can always be a reflection of Jesus’ love for his Bride, the Church (cf. Ephesians 5:25).

There is a temptation today to over-romanticize marriage, to think it will somehow automatically bring about a life of bliss without any difficulties whatever. The reality, however, as any honest couple will tell you, is not quite so picture perfect. Marriage is difficult and requires compromise, patience, and gentleness; and when these are embraced, marriage is also beautiful, perhaps because of its difficulties. Like the Christian life in general, marriage is quite simple, but it is not easy. It is simple because, at its core, marriage involves only one thing, namely, that every day each spouse must desire the good of the other above his or her own and labor to obtain that good for the beloved. In this, marriage daily requires self-denial, and, for this very reason, it is far from easy.

The great J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, reflected on the reality of marriage in a letter he wrote to his son Michael in 1941. Then, after twenty-five of his fifty-five years of marriage to his beloved wife Edith, the elder Tolkien wrote these words:

Faithfulness in Christian marriage entails that: great mortification… No man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man, has lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious exercise of the will, without self-denial. Too few are told that – even those brought up ‘in the Church’.[2]

Tolkien here speaks of a danger for the groom in marriage, but lest some think marriage brings no danger for the bride, we might note the temptation of the wife to always imagine herself to be right. Marriage, for her, too, requires deliberate conscious exercise of the will, that is, self-denial. I do not want the two of you to be unaware of this.

If you, Matthew and Magdalen, would have your marriage survive the difficulties that will daily beset you, if you would walk the way of love, if you would be worthy of each other, then you, too, must both fix your whole heart upon God; you must live in his friendship. Your love must always have its foundation in the love of Christ Jesus, in the love expressed so clearly on the Cross. It is this same love that you must reflect for each other and for the world; you must become sacramental signs of Jesus’ love for every person by daily believing in it, by daily confessing it, and by daily attesting to it.

Saint Rose of Lima said, “Apart from the cross, there is no other ladder by which we may get to heaven.”[3] In marriage, you must help each climb the ladder of the Cross, sometimes pushing each other higher and sometimes pulling each other up. You must be for each other the embodiment of love. To become such a sign of love, to become a sign of this way of perfection, is not easy, but with the grace of God it is possible, admirable, and desirable. If you help one another fix your hearts of God, you will be able to keep your promises and, having been found faithful to each other, the Lord Jesus will welcome you both into his Kingdom and satisfy your every desire. Amen.

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[1] Pope Benedict XVI, Homily before the Conclave, 18 April 2005.

[2] J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, 6-8 March 1941. In The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien. Humphrey Carpenter, ed. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2000), 51.

[3] Saint Rose of Lima, cf. P. Hansen, Vita Mirabilis (Louvain, 1668). In Catechism of the Catholic Church, 618.

Homily on being a Valentine

The Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time (A)

Dear brothers and sisters,

We do not know when it first came into effect, but for quite some time during the reign of the emperors of Rome soldiers of that expansive empire were forbidden to enter into marriage.[1] Recognizing the injustice of such a situation a priest of the city of Rome stepped forward to enter into combat against the forces of the one who sought to outlaw what is natural to man. His name, of course, was Valentine. He became a solider, not of the Roman Empire, but of “the King of kings and the Lord of lords” (Revelation 17:14).

Knowing the beauty and importance of marriage for the good not only of the spouses but also of society, Saint Valentine ignored the order of the emperor Claudius and witnessed the marriages of imperial soldiers. For his defiance of that unjust law, Saint Valentine was beheaded on February 14^th about the year a.d. 270. Saint Valentine is one of those “who walk in the law of the Lord” and so his “way is blameless” (Psalm119:1).

What was it that made him bold enough to disregard the emperor? What gave him the courage to defend marriage? Certainly Saint Valentine knew the teachings of the Lord Jesus regarding the indissolubility of marriage, which we heard again a moment ago (cf. Matthew 5:31-32). Valentine invited others to adhere to what the Epistle to the Hebrews says about marriage: “Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and the adulterers” (Hebrews 13:4).

One of the best ways for marriage to be honored among all is to combat lustful thoughts and desires. Having so many unmarried young men wandering about the empire likely provided them many opportunities to commit adultery in their hearts (cf. Matthew 5:13). Valentine sought to combat these desires by helping the soldiers enter the bond of marriage so that they might not be lost.

Saint Valentine also recognized marriage to be a very “great mystery” because, between the baptized, marriage is to be a reflection of the love of Christ Jesus for his Bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:32). The grace of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony helps husband and wife to be “companions in [the] shipwreck” of his life, guiding and helping each other to arrive at the safe harbor of heaven.[2] Regrettably, too few have this same understanding of marriage today because too many spouses view marriage as a means to attain their own happiness instead of viewing marriage as a means to attain the happiness of their spouse. Marriage ends up flipped on its head, no longer as a means of selfless love of the other, as a mirror of the love of Christ, but as a means for self-centered love.

 

Such a mindset, of course, flies in the face of love exemplified for us by Christ Jesus who shows us “love in its most radical form.”[3] It is only from the pierced side of Christ “that our definition of love must begin.”[4] Indeed, “in this contemplation the Christian discovers the path along which his life and love must move.”[5] Anything claiming to be spousal love that does not imitate the love of the Crucified Savior is inauthentic and is not worthy of the bond of marriage.

 

In grade school – and perhaps into adulthood – it is common to ask someone, “Will you be my Valentine?” At the unconscious heart of this question is a far more important question, namely, “Are you willing to shed your blood for love? Are we willing to allow me to shed my blood for love? Can we together creep deeper into the pierced side of Christ to learn what love truly is?”

Saint Valentine gave his life because he honored marriage and in the shedding of his blood he imitated the most radical form of love. Let us not be afraid to seek his intercession so that we, too, might be willing to do the same. May we also be imitators of that most radical form of love so that, trusting in God, we, too, may live (cf. Sirach 15:15). Amen.

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[1] Cf. Brian Campbell, “The Marriage of Soldiers Under the Empire,” The Journal of Roman Studies v. 68 (1978), 153-166.

[2] J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter 43, To Michael Tolkien, 6-8 March 1941.

[3] Pope Benedict XVI, Deus caritas est, 12.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

Homily - On the subordinance of marriage

 The Twenty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time (B)

 Dear brothers and sisters,

We have heard for the past several weeks of Jesus’ desire to give himself completely for us, to the point of offering himself on the Cross for our salvation and of giving himself to us as our true food and drink (cf. John 6:1-69). Today, he asks us, “Does this shock you” (John 6:61)?

No doubt there are many today who are indeed shocked at so great a love. In an age of ever-increasing self-absorption and of strident, independent individualism, so self-less a love seems unfathomable. Yet this love is true; it is real. Jesus did - and does - love us with a love greater than we can comprehend. Yet some doubt such a love and others do not desire to be loved so intimately. At what point in this spectrum do we fall? Today, many people’s ability to accept the love of Jesus is related to their upbringing, to the manner in which they received love in their families.

Saint Paul realized this profound relationship between marriage and God’s own love. This is why he said, “This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church” (Ephesians 5:32). The portion of his letter to the Ephesians which we have just heard finds little support in society today. For this reason, many marriages have failed because spouses have not rooted their love for each other in the love of Jesus Christ; they have not measured their love according to God’s way of loving.

We strive for independence because of our fallen and sinful condition and long for what we call freedom, but which – in reality - is really mere license. When we attain what we seek we do not find ourselves, but rather slaves to our own desires and passions. Saint Paul shows us the way out of this vicious cycle of self-enslavement and opens for us the path to authentic freedom.

“Follow the way of love,” he says earlier in the same letter, “even as Christ loved you. He gave himself for us” (Ephesians 5:2). Who would say that Jesus was not free? Indeed, he was – and is - freer than any one of us has ever been. It is true that he was obedient to the Father even to the point of death, but it is equally true that he freely chose obedience. His was the obedience not of enslavement, but of love; it is this obedience of love that Saint Paul urges wives to live when he says, “Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Before we grow angry with Saint Paul and think him a bigot, we must remember what he writes just before this so-called controversial statement: “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ,” words he addresses to everyone (Ephesians5:21). As Christ loved us, so we are to love one another. Because wives are to love their husbands as they would love Christ, they should be subordinate to them “because the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of his body the church” (Ephesians 5:22).

Before saying anything further, we must consider what it means to be “subordinate” to someone.

The Greek verb is hypotasso, which means literally ‘to place or arrange under.’ Here it occurs in the middle voice (hypotassomai) with the meaning ‘to place oneself under,’ or more simply, ‘submit oneself to’ or ‘defer to.’ It is clear from the context that voluntary subordination is intended, like the other voluntary expression of Spirit-filled life mentioned [by Paul].[1]

This voluntary act of deferring to one another is placed by Saint Paul in the context of “reverence for Christ.”

The truly unusual nature of this instruction is that Paul tells his readers to submit themselves to one another, still addressing all the members of the community. At first this seems contradictory. How can two individuals place themselves ‘under’ each other? … The meaning of this unusual instruction becomes clearer in the light of similar texts that teach about relationships in the church… Reciprocal humility and love determine even the relationship that entail authority… Undoubtedly, behind this teaching stands Jesus’ own teaching about leadership as service (Luke22:25-27), which was demonstrated and explained when he washed the feet of his disciples (John 13:13-15), foreshadowing his humbling himself for our sake on the cross.[2]

Here we see clearly that “God’s way of loving becomes the measure of human love.” [3]

The head of the body always looks to the good of the body, to its health, safety, and satisfaction. This is how Christ cares for his Bride, the Church; this is how husbands are to care for their wives. What is more, Saint Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her” (Ephesians 5:25). Every husband, then, must be filled with so selfless a love for his wife that he is ready and willing to lay down even his very life for her. “While on rare occasions dying for one’s wife may be literally necessary, [Paul] means it in the everyday sense of husbands dying to self by prioritizing their wives’ needs and wants before their own. Essentially, Paul is saying, ‘Husbands, seek the good of your wives regardless of the cost to you.”[4] If a husband loves his wife in this way, there is no difficulty in deferring to him. Again, we see clearly that God’s way of loving becomes the measure of human love.

Certainly, to live in this way is no simple task and for this reason, in his goodness, Christ the Lord has raised marriage to the dignity of a Sacrament and has bestowed his grace upon it to enable husbands and wives to live in such a way that the love of Christ for the Church is reflected in their marriage.

Christ’s grace is not an external addition to human nature, it does not do violence to men and women but sets them free and restores them, precisely by raising them above their own limitations. And just as the Incarnation of the Son of God reveals its true meaning in the Cross, so genuine human love is self-giving and cannot exist if it seeks to detach itself from the Cross.[5]

We can say, then, that the love of husband and wife is in some way a Eucharistic love, a love that must imitate the selfless and self-giving love of Jesus Christ. Husbands and wives must give themselves to each other completely, just as Jesus gives himself completely for us. When a husband cares more about himself than his wife, a marriage begins to fail. When a wife cares more about herself than her husband, a marriage begins to fail. This, too, is a hard saying and one largely rejected by our society, to great harm for all.

It is only by following the way of love, it is only by deferring to one another out of reverence for Christ, that we find true freedom; it is only by imitating the self-giving love of Jesus that we find everything we seek in life. May the Lord, then, lead us deeper and deeper into the mystery of his love until our love perfectly reflects his own, until the measure of our love is the measure of his love. Amen.

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[1] Peter S. Williamson, Catholic Commentary on Sacred Scripture: Ephesians (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Academic, 2009), 155-156.

[2] Ibid., 156-157.

[3] Pope Benedict XVI, Deus caritas est, 11.

[4] Peter S. Williamson, Catholic Commentary on Sacred Scripture: Ephesians, 166.

[5] Pope Benedict XVI, Address to Participants in the Diocesan Convention of Rome, 6 June 2005.

Homily - What is the purpose of marriage?

The Thirty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time (C)

Dear brothers and sisters,

There are some today who take offense at Jesus when he says, with the authority of God, that “The children of this age marry and remarry; but those who are deemed worthy to attain to the coming age and to the resurrection of the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Luke 20:34-35). In an age in which so many spouses seemingly forget the promises they made on the day of their wedding – namely “to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live” – we have a tendency to say that marriage is forever.[1] But this is not true; marriage lasts “all the days of my life,” “until death do us part.”[2] With death, marriage comes to an end. Why?

In somewhat veiled terms, the Lord Jesus gives us the answer to this important question. It is because those who will be raised from the dead on the Last Day “can no longer die, for they are like angels” that they will neither marry nor be given in marriage” (Luke 20:36). Saint Bede the Venerable explains this answer further when he says, “Since matrimony is for the sake of children, and children for the sake of posterity, and posterity for the sake of death, where, therefore, there is no death there are no marriages.”[3]

On the one hand, this might at first glance appear a negative assessment of marriage; on the other hand, however, it gets right to the heart of the purpose of marriage:

By the Sacrament of Matrimony Christian spouses signify and participate in the mystery of unity and fruitful love between Christ and the Church; therefore, both in embracing conjugal life and in accepting and educating children, they help one another to become holy and have their own place and particular gift among the People of God.[4]

In other words, the purpose of marriage is for a husband to help his wife become a Saint and for a wife to help her husband become a Saint. When this is forgotten, the marriage begins to fail.

Marriage, of course, is founded upon love, but authentic love is not always understood today. More than anything else, love is a choice and an act for the good of the beloved. The emotion of love comes and goes; sometimes we feel loved and sometimes we do not, but our emotions are not always reliable. This is why the highest form of love is not an emotion but, rather, an act of the will, a choice for the good of the other, even – and especially - at my own expense.

Understanding love is somewhat complicated by our language; we only have one word for love, and so we say I love you and this dog and this book and this pizza; we use the same word without distinction and lose something in the process. The unknown author of the Letter to the Hebrews, however, knew three Greek words for love, each with its own particular meaning. The ancient world, however, knew several different words for love. The Greeks, for example, knew of three.

The first form of love was called eros and was a “possessive or covetous love,” even a “worldly” love.[5] The second form of love was called philia and was the “love of friendship.”[6] The third and highest form of love – a love without self-interest – was called agape.

Likewise, the Hebrews knew two words for love. “First there is the word dodim, a plural form suggesting a love that is still insecure, indeterminate and searching” and in this way is very much like the Greek eros.[7]

This comes to be replaced by the word ahabà, which the Greek version of the Old Testament translates with the similar-sounding agape, which … becomes the typical expression for the biblical notion of love. By contrast with an indeterminate, “searching” love, this word expresses the experience of a love which involves a real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character that prevailed earlier. Love now becomes concern and care for the other. No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice.[8]

This love is like that of agape and is very much like the love of Christ Jesus for his Bride, the Church.

It is generally the love of eros, a self-seeking love, which first brings a couple together. If this love of eros does not develop into the love of philia, into a love of friendship, the relationship will fall apart under the weight of narcissism. And if the love of philia does not then develop into the love of agape, into a selfless love, the relationship will remain one of mutual convenience, but it will not become the love intended by the Lord for Christian marriage.

There is a temptation today to over-romanticize marriage, to think it will somehow automatically bring about a life of bliss with no difficulties. The reality, however, as any honest couple will tell you, is not quite so picture perfect. Marriage is difficult. It requires compromise, patience, and gentleness; and when these are embraced, marriage is also beautiful, perhaps because of its difficulties. Like the Christian life in general, marriage is simple, but it is not easy. It is simple because, at its core, it involves only one thing, namely, that every day each spouse desires the good of the other above his or her own and labors to obtain that good for the beloved; each spouse must strive to build the other up in Christ for the glory of God. In this, marriage is far from easy.

The great J.R.R. Tolkien, a devoted Catholic and the author of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, reflected on the reality of marriage in a letter he wrote to his son Michael in 1941. Then, after twenty-five of his fifty-five years of marriage to his beloved wife Edith, the elder Tolkien wrote these words:

Faithfulness in Christian marriage entails that: great mortification… No man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man, has lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious exercise of the will, without self-denial. Too few are told that – even those brought up ‘in the Church’.[9]

The professor here speaks of a danger for the groom in marriage, but lest some think marriage brings no danger for the bride, we might note the temptation of the wife to always imagine herself to be right. Marriage, for her, too, requires deliberate conscious exercise of the will, that is, self-denial.

To put it in simpler terms, in the bonds of marriage, a husband is bound to care more about his wife than he cares about himself. Likewise, in the bonds of marriage, a wife is bound to care more about her husband than she cares about herself. Without deliberate conscious exercise of the will, without self-denial, neither can do this. I do not want anyone to be unaware of this. But if husband and wife live with deliberate conscious exercise of the will, with self-denial, they can, with the grace the Sacrament of Marriage provides, put each other first and grow together in the love of Christ.

Among the words of profound spiritual counsel left us by Saint Marianne Cope, one of my favorite saints, are these: “Creep down into the heart of Jesus.” The reason she tells us to do so is simple: “He alone can comfort you in your supreme hour of sorrow.” These might seem strange words for a homily about marriage, but the truth of her words cannot be ignored, nor can the reality of marriage as a form of the cross, in that marriage requires a daily renunciation of oneself in favor of the spouse to become a reflection of Christ’s love.

A husband and wife should creep down together into the heart of Jesus each day of their married life. They should look around within his heart and poke around, exploring each day what it means to love fully and to love “to the end” (John 13:1). As they help each other creep down further into the heart of Jesus to conform their hearts ever more closely to his own, they will help each other to become saints, the first and primary purpose of marriage. Then they will be able to emerge from his Sacred Heart to love as he loves, teaching each other – and all who see them – how to do the same. If they live and love in this way, they can show to a darkened world the bright light of love so that, together with them, all may find their home in the heart of Jesus. Amen.

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[1] Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 60.

[2] Ibid., 61.

[3] In Saint Bonaventure, Commentary on the Gospel of Luke, 20.42.

[4] Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 8.

[5] Pope Benedict XVI, Deus caritas est, 7.

[6] Ibid., 3.

[7] Ibid., 6.

[8] Ibid.

[9] J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, 6-8 March 1941. In The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien. Humphrey Carpenter, ed. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2000), 51.

Homily - 7 October 2018 - The Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

The Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time (B)

Dear brothers and sisters,

We have before us today the great mystery of marriage, “the one blessing not forfeited by original sin nor washed away by the flood.”[1] To our great detriment, we give too little consideration to the fundamental importance of marriage, both for the spouses and for society as a whole.

What the Lord Jesus teaches about the essential reality of marriage – that it is between a man and woman, that it is open to the gift of children, and that it is faithful and indissoluble – is openly rejected today, even by those who claim to follow him (cf. Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:6-9). He is too strict, too severe, people say; a single person, some say, he cannot possibly understand marriage. Let us be honest:

By the very fact of referring to humanity before the fall, Jesus is implying that from now on, God’s original intention is the true standard for marriage and all other human relationships. He is saying, in effect, that the concession in Deuteronomy no longer applies because humanity is no longer captive to sin, hardness of heart, and the resultant family breakdown. Now there is a new reality at hand – the kingdom of God – with a new power to live and experience what God intended from the beginning. As Jesus has already suggested (Mark 8:31-9:1), this new possibility will come about through his paschal mystery.[2]

Marriage, then, is intimately connected with the mystery of the Lord’s Cross, something too infrequently considered by spouses.

Saint Augustine noted this connection of marriage to the Cross when he noted that

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Even in the beginning, when woman was made from a rib in the side of the sleeping man, that had no less a purpose than to symbolize prophetically the union of Christ and his Church. Adam’s sleep was a mystical foreshadowing of Christ’s death, and when his dead body hanging from the cross was pierced by the lance, it was from his side that there issued forth that blood and water that, as we know, signifies the sacraments by which the Church is built up.[3]

Put more simply, just as the wife of Adam was brought forth from his side, so, too, was the Bride of Christ, the Church, brought forth from the side of Christ, the second Adam. This is what Saint Paul speaks of as “a great mystery” (Ephesians 5:32).

Because the mystery of marriage is so closely joined to the mystery of Christ, marriage enjoys a high and lofty dignity. Together, husband and wife are called to reflect for all the world the love of Christ for the Church.

By the Sacrament of Matrimony Christian spouses signify and participate in the mystery of unity and fruitful love between Christ and the Church; therefore, both in embracing conjugal life and in accepting and educating their children, they help one another to become holy and have their own place and particular gift among the People of God.

Through this Sacrament the Holy Spirit brings it about that, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, Christian spouses also strive to nurture and foster their union in equal dignity, mutual giving, and the undivided love that flows from the divine font of charity. In this way, uniting divine and human realities, they persevere in good times and in bad, faithful in body and mind, remaining complete strangers to any adultery and divorce.

The true development of conjugal love and the whole meaning of family life, without diminishment of the other ends of Marriage, are directed to disposing Christian spouses to cooperate wholeheartedly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them increases and enriches his family from day to day. Therefore, trusting in divine Providence and developing a spirit of sacrifice, they glorify the Creator and strive for perfection in Christ, as they carry out the role of procreation with generous, human and Christian responsibility.[4]

From the example of Christ Jesus, we know that there is no perfection without suffering, without the Cross.

Just as it was in the days of the Apostles, people today what to hear a Gospel that promises a life of ease and prosperity, but that is not what Jesus promises. He promises to those who “have left everything and followed [him]” that they will “receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:28, 30). This is why

It is no wonder that the disciples, as often happens, find it difficult to digest the radical change Jesus has just instituted (see Matt 19:10). On his own authority Jesus has just taken away a concession given in the law of Moses. Why would he set this stricter standard? Surely it is not to make life more difficult for his followers. Rather, it is because through his cross and resurrection he is now giving them a new power to live according to God’s original plan for human love. They can no longer settle for less.[5]

What is more,

With this pronouncement on marriage, Jesus brings his teachings on suffering, self-denial, humility, and service into the most intimate sphere of human life. It is in the daily challenges of family relationships, in the struggle to live out God’s design for human love – especially in lifelong fidelity to another fallen and imperfect person – that ‘taking up the cross’ (Mark 8:34) has its most concrete application. But equally it is here that those who obey Jesus’ new law will be able to experience the coming of the kingdom with power.[6]

Let us, then, never doubt the truth of Jesus’ words or question their practicality. Let us instead trust that he will give us the strength to follow his teachings if we but seek and cooperate with his grace. Let us ask him to give us so great a love for his Cross that we embrace it however it comes to us, so that, united with his sufferings, we, too, may be perfected and brought to glory (cf. Hebrews 2:10). Amen.

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[1] Nuptial Blessing, Roman Missal.

[2] Mary Healy, Catholic Commentary on Sacred Scripture: The Gospel of Mark (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Academic, 2008), 197.

[3] Saint Augustine of Hippo, City of God, 22.17.

[4] Introduction, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 8-10.

[5] Mary Healy, The Gospel of Mark, 198.

[6] Ibid.