My name is Daren, and I'm an introvert

Over the weekend I saw the following picture and caption on a friend's Facebook page:

Imagine what life would be like if we could see each other's souls
instead of what's on the outside.

The point made by the image is one that hits home to me, an introvert.

Introverts are very often much misunderstood in today's extroverted world.

The image reminded me an article I've been meaning to share with you for several weeks now but for whatever reason have not yet gotten around to sharing: "Caring for Your Introvert: The habits and needs of a little understood group."

Written for The Atlantic by Jonathan Raunch, the article describes the differences between the orientations of extroverts and introverts from an introvert's perspective, with the witty humor customary among introverts.

Reading the article it almost seems as Raunch has followed me around for a couple of days taking tedious notes.  He begins asking a series of questions:

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? 

If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out? 

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly.

I don't do a lot of growling or grunting - at least not audibly - but otherwise the questions are straight to the point.  I hate small talk and do need to time alone to recover from "public" activity, which is what I'll largely be doing the first part of this morning.

If you find yourself with such a person, an introvert, what are you to do with them?  How should care for him?

Before answering this question, Raunch describes introversion at its most basic level:

Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring. 

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses." 

How, then, do you care for your introvert?  Raunch gives three simple ways:

First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation. 

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?" 

Third, don't say anything else, either. 

Be sure to read the entire article; it is both insightful and humorous and may well help a few of you extroverts to understand us introverts a bit more. If you do read it, you may well understand why we sometimes want to say to you, "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."  We don't say this because society says it is rude.

About what do you speak most?

t doThis evening I attended a gathering of Quincy University alumni which was very enjoyable. It was a good opportunity to see a few parishioners who are alumni, as well as people newly associated with the University.

I owe much of my intellectual and spiritual formation to the Franciscan Friars who were present during my studies there. Through my study of history I was taught to think critically and analytically, and through my study of philosophy and theology I was very well prepared to enter the seminary. For all that Quincy University has done for me, I shall be ever grateful and I shall seek to repay it in time. Who knows? Perhaps, God willing, I shall one day there (that is one of my dreams [I seem to have a lot of those, but if you’re going to dream you might as well dream big]).

But this isn’t the point of this post.

After the “official” portion of the evening concluded I found myself engaged in conversation with several people about Pope Benedict XVI and my take of him. Frequent readers of this blog – and hearers of my homilies – will of course know of my deep and profound love of the Holy Father, not only of the office but especially of this particular man who is Pope.

There are some who perhaps devoted to Pope Blessed John XVIII or the Servant of God Pope John Paul II. While I respect each of these greatly, I am devoted to Pope Benedict XVI, whom I am confident will one day be numbered among the Saints of God.

I’ve tried before to describe the reasons why I have such deep affection for Pope Benedict. I’m not sure that I can even describe what this affection toward the Holy Father is, let alone the reasons for it, but I shall try (without, of course, trying to elevate myself to his stature).

When I see Pope Benedict XVI I see a man very much like myself. I think it fair to say that the affection I feel toward the Holy Father is the love of a son.

He is a man quite at home amongst his books and amongst a few close friends. He is a retiring man who prefers to work “behind the scenes.” He is quiet, humble and sincere. He is a man who knows the greatness of the task set before him and his own unworthiness of it. He is a devoted teacher who sets out to demonstrate not his own ideas or innovations but the truth, nothing more and nothing less. He is a man who knows himself and who will not be swayed with the blowing of a new wind. He is a man who doesn’t smile a great deal, but when he does it is genuine and lights the room.

With Pope Benedict, what you see is what you get. There is no pretense, no arrogance. He is a simple man who has accepted the will of the Lord for his life, a man who has resigned himself to the fact that he cannot return to his home.

As I’ve said before, at the heart of Pope Benedict XVI lies the heart of a poet, a poet who loves Christ Jesus above all else and has devoted his life and service to him.

These are only some of the reasons why I have such a deep affection for this man.

When I see Pope Benedict XVI I really do see a father. I see a man very much like myself and with whom I can relate. Everything that I have heard him say and that he has written (that I have read) I agree with completely (something I’m not sure I can say about another author). Everything he says resonates within me.

There is something about Pope Benedict that reaches straight to my heart, calling me to imitate him as he imitates Christ. The only other person to whom I feel such a bond of the spirit is St. Francis of Assisi. I simply am drawn to him and through him I am encounter Jesus Christ.

I'm a Melancholic

I found a new medieval personality test through Ad Dominum's blog. My Medieval temperament is that of the Melancholic, something I have known about myself for a long time. I find the description of hte Melancholic helpful and right to the point.

You are a "nervous" Melancholic, with an abundance of black bile. Melancholics are characterized by the element of Earth, the season of Autumn, middle-aged adulthood, the colors black and blue, Saturn, and the characteristics of "Cold" and "Dry." Animals used to symbolize the Melancholic include the pig, cat, and owl. To ehnance your Melancholic tendencies, listen to music in the Mixolydian Mode; to diminish those tendencies, listen to music in the Hypomixolydian mode.

Famous Melancholics include St. John of the Cross, St. John the Divine, St. Francis, and St. Catherine of Siena.

If you were living in the Age of Faith, perfect career choices for you would be contemplative religious, theologian, artist, or writer.

If what it says is true, I have done well in my vocation and in my deep and profound love of Saint Francis.

You can find out your own Medieval temperament here.

The full description of the Melancholic can be read here.