The
Wedding of Kolby Vandenbergh and Brittany Twidwell
Dear brothers and sisters,
We
have come together this afternoon, in this church dedicated to the honor of God
and of Saint Augustine of Hippo, to witness the exchange of consent of Kolby
and Brittany, and to celebrate with them as they “establish between themselves
a partnership of their whole life.” By its very nature, this union “is ordered
to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of
children” (canon 1055).
On behalf of the couple, I greet you, their
family and friends, with affection and I welcome you in the name of Christ. I
thank you for the love, support, and encouragement you show them by your
presence with us today; I trust they will be able to count on your continued
encouragement, support, and love in the days, weeks, and years ahead. Now, my
friends, before we witness the exchange of their promises to live in committed
love until death, I ask you to allow me to speak directly to the couple; you,
of course, may listen in.
Kolby and Brittany, we, your family and
friends, and I, the Church’s minister, are truly happy to share in your joy and
in your love for each other. It is fitting that we gather here in this sacred
place where the most important moments in life are held to remind us again and
again that “the love of the Lord is everlasting” (Psalm 103:17).
You have chosen for us to hear the
scriptural account of – to use the literal word - the building of Eve from
Adam, of woman from man. It is, of course, fitting to consider this mystery in
relation to the mystery of marriage; we will soon see that the use of the word
building hints at another mystery to come many centuries later.
In his commentary on this passage, Saint
Augustine asked an intriguing question: he wanted to know why God took one of
Adam’s ribs to make Eve when he could have used Adam’s flesh, and why God did
not replace Adam’s rib with another rib but with flesh instead.
His answer to this question is equally
intriguing, even if perhaps not very palatable in today’s society. Augustine
says Eve was made strong by Adam’s bone and that Adam “was weakened on her
account.”[1] It was this mutual
strengthening and weakening, he suggests, that brought about the wedding – the
union - of our first parents.
What does it mean for the woman to be
strengthened by the man if not that she is upheld by him, comforted by him,
calmed by his reassuring presence? It is no bad thing for a woman to be
strengthened by a man.
What does it mean for the man to be
weakened by the woman if not that she makes him gentler, less rash and
foolhardy, more caring? She makes him less brutish and makes him no noble. We
often see this when a young man grows weak in the knees when he first meets the
woman with whom he wants to build his future. It is no bad thing for a man to
be weakened by a woman.
Augustine, however, not does end his
reflections here; he also explains why Eve was built up from Adam’s rib and not
from the dust of the earth as Adam was: Some have said “God used a rib because
it was close to Adam’s heart. The rib from the chest near the heart of man helps
explain the intimacy – a rib from his side is appropriate for one who will walk
by his side and be his partner and companion.”[2]
If we consider that rib of Adam again for just
another moment, we find an early indication of God’s plan for the salvation of
all humanity.
Even
in the beginning, when woman was made from a rib in the side of the sleeping
man, that had no less a purpose than to symbolize prophetically the union of
Christ and his Church. Adam’s sleep was a mystical foreshadowing of Christ’s
death, and when his dead body hanging from the cross was pierced by the lance,
it was from his side that there issued forth that blood and water that, as we
know, signifies the sacraments by which the Church is built up. “Built” is the very
word the Scripture uses in connection with Eve: “He built the rib into a woman.”
… So too Saint Paul speaks of “building up the body of Christ,” which is the
Church (cf. Ephesians 4:12). Therefore woman is as much the creation of God as
man is. If she was made from the man, this was to show her oneness with him;
and if she was made in the way she was, this was prefigure the oneness of
Christ and the Church.[3]
Just
as Eve was built from the rib of Adam, so the Church is built from the side of
Christ Jesus.
This brings us to a key consideration: Whether
it is recognized as such or not, the love that unites a man and woman together
is the same love that drove the only Son of God to abandon the glory of heaven
and take our frail humanity upon himself; the same love that led the Son of God
to take the sins of the world upon himself and lovingly accept crucifixion for
our salvation; the same love that raised the only Son of God from the dead; the
same love that sent the Holy Spirit to be with us always. God’s love for us is
very much a nuptial love and it is what unites a man and woman together in
marriage. It is the core, the center, the very foundation, of the married life
that you, Kolby and Brittany, seek to enter today.
There is a temptation to over-romanticize
marriage, to think it will somehow automatically bring about a life of bliss
without any difficulties whatever. The reality, however, as any honest couple
will tell you, is not quite so picture perfect. Marriage is difficult and requires
compromise, patience, and gentleness; and when these are embraced, marriage is
also beautiful, perhaps because of its difficulties. Marriage is quite simple,
but it is not easy. It is simple because, at its core, marriage involves only
one thing, namely, that every day each spouse must desire the good of the other
above his or her own and labor to obtain that good for the beloved. In this,
marriage daily requires self-denial, and, for this very reason, it is far from
easy.
The great J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, reflected on the reality of marriage in a letter
he wrote to his son Michael in 1941. Then, after twenty-five of his fifty-five
years of marriage to his beloved wife Edith, the elder Tolkien wrote these
words:
No
man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man, has lived
faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious
exercise of the will, without
self-denial. Too few are told that – even those brought up ‘in the Church.’[4]
Tolkien here speaks of a danger for the
groom in marriage, but lest some think marriage brings no danger for the bride,
we might note the temptation of the wife to always imagine herself to be right.
Marriage, for her, too, requires deliberate conscious exercise of the will,
that is, self-denial. I do not want the two of you to be unaware of this.
In just a few moments you will be joined until
death as husband and wife. For your part, Brittany, allow Kolby to strengthen
you and help you grow in holiness. For your part, Kolby, allow Brittany to
weaken you and help you grow in holiness. Strive always to imitate for each
other the selfless love of Jesus Christ. Live always in his love and build your
life together upon that solid foundation. Be united, bound, joined in your love
for each other, yes, but above all in that love that pours forth from the heart
of Crucified Love. Amen.
[1]
Saint Augustine of Hippo, On Genesis, IX.18.34.
[2]
Steve Ray, Genesis: A Bible Study Guide and Commentary (San Francisco:
Ignatius Press, 2023), 58.
[3]
Saint Augustine of Hippo, The City of God, 22.17.
[4]
J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien,
6-8 March 1941. In The Letters of J.R.R.
Tolkien. Humphrey Carpenter, ed. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2000),
51.
