Homily for the Wedding of Melanie Schlepphorst and Sam Deters

The Wedding of Melanie Schlepphorst and Samuel Deters

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

We have come together this afternoon to witness the exchange of consent between Sam and Melanie. We have come to celebrate with them as today they “establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life,” which, by its very nature, “is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of children.” They will begin their married life in this church because marriage has “been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament” to dispense divine life to husband and wife as an external sign of the love of God (canon 1055).

On their behalf, I greet you, their family and friends, with affection and I welcome you in the name of Christ. I thank you for the love, support, and encouragement, which you give them by your presence today, and which I am confident they can count on in the years to come. Now, my friends, before we witness the exchange of their promises to live the remainder of their lives together in committed love, I ask you to allow me to speak directly to the couple; you, of course, are welcome to listen in.

Sam and Melanie, among the readings from the Sacred Scriptures you have chosen for us to hear this afternoon is the intent of Tobiah to wed Sarah “for a noble purpose” (Tobit 8:7, RNAB). As I considered precisely what this noble purpose might be, I consulted other translations of this same verse. Where the Revised New American Bible has “a noble purpose,” the New American Bible has “with fidelity” and the Revised Standard Version has “with sincerity.” It would seem, then, that Tobiah’s noble purpose is to wed Sarah with sincere fidelity, with pure faithfulness. As you wed each other in a few moments, Tobiah’s noble purpose must be your own; you must each intend to give to each other a pure and faithful love.

As a daily reminder to yourselves, to each other, and, indeed, to the world, you will exchange rings after you have declared your consent to enter into the state of holy matrimony. These rings will be blessed by God so that they may be “a sign of [your] faithfulness, reminding [you] of [your] love for one another,” to be a constant reminder of the noble purpose to which you will have pledged yourselves.[1] This is why, historically, wedding rings have been made out of precious metals, not to be showpieces or status symbols, but symbolic testimonies to the precious promises made to each other before God. This is why Saint Peter refers to the genuineness of faith as “more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:7).

In days past, it had been thought there was a vein running from the third finger of the left hand to the heart, for which reason this vein was called the vena amoris, the vein of love. This is why Saint Isidore of Seville tells us a ring is given by the groom to the bride as a sign of fidelity so that their hearts may be united in that same pledge because of the blood that goes from the ring finger to the heart.[2] We have since learned that there is no such vein, but this does not lessen the symbolism of the wedding band.

The wedding ring is, of course, circular, for which reason some will say it is without beginning or end, that it is timeless; this, of course, is nonsense: your love for each other certainly has a beginning. What the ring itself symbolizes is this: because it is, if you will, closed upon itself, it symbolizes perfection, completeness, totality. Your love for each other must be perfect, complete, and full if you are to reflections for each other and the world of the love of Christ Jesus “to the end” (John 13:1).

There is a temptation today to over-romanticize both love and marriage, to think it will somehow bring about a life of bliss without any difficulties whatever.[3] The reality, however, as any honest couple will tell you, is not quite so picture perfect. Marriage is difficult and daily requires compromise, patience, and gentleness, but when the difficulties of marriage are embraced, when your mutual love continues and you strive after that noble purpose, marriage is indeed beautiful (cf. Hebrews 13:1; Tobit 8:7).

The great J.R.R. Tolkien, a devout Catholic and author of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, (do not worry, Melanie; Sr. Clementia tells me I am not allowed to reference the One Ring) once referred to husband and wife as “companions in shipwreck.”[4] It is an intriguing metaphor, given that Christian spouses are to help navigate the storms of this life and arrive safely home at harbor of heaven. Soon the two of you will wear a constant reminder of that noble purpose to which you are about to commit yourselves, truth in the moral life and sincerity of love.

Just as the Cross is difficult, so, too, can marriage be difficult; but in the same way, just as the Cross produces joy within those who embrace it, so, too, does marriage (cf. John 15:11-13). Like the Christian life in general, marriage is simple, but it is not easy; marriage is simple because, at its core, it involves only one thing, namely, the taking up of the Cross. In marriage, you, Sam, must always put Melanie’s good before your own; likewise, you, Melanie, must always put Sam’s good before your own. If you live in this way, you will indeed keep the commands of the Lord and you will honor marriage (cf. John 15:10; Hebrews 13:4). All of this, of course, requires a repeated and continual – even daily - embracing of the Cross, that sign of the pure and faithful love of Jesus Christ.

As you help each other in the shipwreck of this life, you will help each other to become saints, which is, of course, the first and primary purpose of marriage. In doing so you will make the love of Christ knowable to the world, all through the witness of your own pure and faithful love. May your mutual love, soon to be bound in the love of God through the sacrament of marriage, show to a darkened world the bright light of love so that, together with you, we may all arrive safely harbor of the heavenly homeland. Amen.

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[1] Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 195.

[2] Cf. Saint Isidore of Seville, De ecclesiasticis officiis, II.20.

[3] Saint John Chrysostom, Homily on Ephesians 17.4.32-5.2. In Thomas C. Oden, et al, eds., Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture, New Testament Vol. VIII: Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians (Downers Grove, Illinois: Inter Varsity Press, 1999), 173.

[4] J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, 6-8 March 1941. In The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien. Humphrey Carpenter, ed. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2000), 51.